"Have courage, and be kind..."
I received a lot of messages and emails about my "Farewell, Facebook" post, and I thought it would be appropriate to give a little bit of perspective on why I've bid that platform goodbye after twelve years. But first: let me say right off the bat that my decision is not a judgment of anyone who chooses to use Facebook personally or for their business. If Facebook is a helpful tool for you, fantastic. I wish you nothing but continued success. Second, this really isn't primarily about all of Facebook's repeated data breaches, though those abuses certainly played into my decision to delete my account. When I found out my account had been compromised in the last data breach, it was just the final straw on the proverbial camel's back. No, my main reason for finally ending a 12-year "relationship" with Facebook had mainly to due with reverse culture shock. While living in South Africa (2014-2018), I decided to cut my Facebook usage almost completely. I logged in once a week only to keep up with customers through my business page and local people in our village, who used the network mainly as a way to send birthday invitations, announce events, or swap information about dogs on the loose or missing cats. I went back to using email and messaging to keep up with friends and family back in the States, and I found I did not miss the famous FB newsfeed one tiny bit. It was a compromise that worked.
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!"
Then my family moved back to the States last August, and I started making connections on this side of the pond. What I discovered absolutely floored me. The political polarization was something I had heard about, but seeing the divisions up close really knocked me for a complete loop. And Facebook was squarely in the middle of it, thanks to its highly criticized algorithm. Writes one of Mark Zuckerberg's former mentors:
The business model depends on advertising, which in turn depends on manipulating the attention of users so they see more ads. One of the best ways to manipulate attention is to appeal to outrage and fear, emotions that increase engagement. Facebook’s algorithms give users what they want, so each person’s News Feed becomes a unique reality, a filter bubble that creates the illusion that most people the user knows believe the same things. Showing users only posts they agree with was good for Facebook’s bottom line, but some research showed it also increased polarization and, as we learned, harmed democracy.
Now, while I do not agree with the author's solutions, I can't help but believe he has hit the problem on the head. After living abroad for eight years, returning home has felt like landing on Mars. The caustic arguments dividing human beings from one another has left me reeling. It has been a really tough transition, and, while I don't think social media is entirely to blame, I do think a huge share lies at its feet. Everywhere I go, I see people staring at phones instead of making eye contact. The distraction is real. I'm not even talking about the four people who have almost run me off the highway due to checking their phones while driving.
"People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!"
At some point, I think we just have to say, "Enough." For me, that point is now. I love, love, love my customers. For 21 years, we have talked to each other over email and in person. I've received photos from proud sewists who have made their first historical outfit and can't wait to show it off. I've gotten late-night emails from students on a deadline who need help with an A-Levels project. I've received wedding and christening photos, albums from plays costumed with my patterns, and pictures of six-year-old seamstresses who couldn't wait to show off their very first projects. This is the reason I do what I do. I love giving others the tools to create something that makes them happy and gives them a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Most of all, I love seeing people reach out to each other and lift each other up.Let's not lose that! Life is too short to be hijacked by "haters" and "trolls." We cannot afford to let a twisted "newsfeed" influence our view of reality or the way we treat our fellow humans. There is just far too much at stake.
My Favorite Ted Talk
The video below is so spot on I don't think it even needs an introduction. Özlem Cekic perfectly encapsulates my own approach to dealing with haters: Sit down with them over coffee and TALK! Please watch this wonderful TED talk in its entirety before you finish this post. I promise, it is worth the 15 minutes.
Did you catch her conclusion? Courage and kindness. It's not just a Cinderella aphorism or a Pollyanna approach to life. It is vitally important in our incredibly polarized culture. Walk a mile or two in someone else's shoes. Sit down and really consider someone else's viewpoints instead of writing them off. Take the trouble to see other people as three-dimensional rather than reducing them to scary chimeras.
"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives."
Quote from It's a Wonderful Life.
A couple of people who responded to my "farewell" post cynically said, "Facebook is the Internet. You aren't going to change anything by leaving." I beg to differ. Have we become so cynical that we really think one network controls the narrative? If so, all the more reason to leave it. But I don't accept that. Perhaps I am a little bit of a Pollyanna, but I think people want true, authentic connection far more than they want a manipulated newsfeed and paid advertisements. I am willing to stake my business on it. I have said for years that I offer "patterns with tech support," and I honestly mean it. I'm available on email, Skype, and even text messages on my phone. You can still connect with my content on Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest.
I see each customer as a unique individual. The beginner is just as important as the veteran costumier. Your political persuasions do not affect my appreciation for you as a human being. If you disagree with me on something, I would hope you'd extend the same grace...and let me buy you a coffee! As one woman who is teaching her children to look others in the eye, say "please" and "thank you," and be willing to consider opposing viewpoints, I have faith that there are millions out there who want the same. Let's put the phones down and take the time to acknowledge each other in meaningful ways...especially when we disagree. It isn't impossible. I can promise you after eight years living in two very different African cultures, there is more that unites us than divides us...and we mustn't give up on each other. I'm counting on you!
PS (23 Feb): I just came across this sobering article that further reinforces my strong belief that we need to look each other in the eye and make meaningful in-person connections as much as possible. I would love to sit down over afternoon tea with you any time, so if you're ever in my neck of the woods, let me know!
